Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Mean Girls

*** Today's post might sound like a rant. 
Be warned. 
I'm not angry. Just curious. (Note all the question marks.) ***

What is it about girls - women - that rub other women the wrong way?

Are we jealous?

Are we assuming?

Are we threatened?

What is it?

I recently heard my five year old (FIVE!!!) say, "I don't want to have so-and-so over for a  play date because she's too pretty."


My heart sank. I really don't want my girls to be the mean girls. I want them to be confident and secure and NICE.

As crazy as this sounds coming from a 5 year old, does it sound any better coming from a 15 year old? Or a woman that's 25? Let's be honest...what about someone in her 30's or 40's? Or even older?

I've seen women (of all ages) treat other women horribly. I've been on both ends too.

Why do we do this?

I watched a YouTube video that justified why girls act this way. "We're basically trained to hate each other. We're taught from a young age to compete. To be prettier, smarter, better..."

That's just garbage in my mind. A cop out! Even if you agree with that flippant statement, does that make it okay to treat others badly?

Needless to say, words like kindness and compassion and love will be floating around our home more than ever!

Share with me: Have you noticed this hate-phenomenon between girls? Have you witnessed it in your girls? Or experienced it yourself? How did you handle it? Why do you think the fairer sex tends to act this way towards each other? 


  1. I think competition is one of the reasons people treat each other poorly at times. As young women, we're out to "catch" a guy. If we perceive another woman as being prettier and having a better chance at doing so than we do, jealousy can creep in.

    What's sad is that often this jealousy is unwarranted. My sister and I talked about this recently. We've both crested "The Hill" and were recalling our childhoods. I mentioned that I'd been jealous of her because she was prettier. She gave me a shocked look. Why? Because she'd been jealous of me. Who knew that my younger sister was envious of my grades and chose to focus on drama and looks instead of academics as a way to make her mark? This goes to show that many of the reasons we fight the green-eyed monster are unfounded. Too bad it takes many of us decades to figure this out.

  2. I agree with Keli - it's just competition.

    It's just sad when it gets out of control.

  3. I have a feeling a lot of it stems back to our own insecurities. If we don't have "Gorgeous Exhibit A" standing next to us, we won't have to worry about how good (or bad) we look. :)

  4. Great thoughts, lacie! And so true! We all tend to have that competitive spirit. It is truly a shame that it affects our behavior in a way that is so hurtful. I don't have any daughters (yet... dear Lord, let the next one be a girl so I can be done) but I fear for them. If they go through half of what I went through growing up, they will have to be some strong women. Luckily, God knows what we can handle and that refiners fire isn't fun but sure makes sense in hindsight.

  5. Perhaps all this competition stems from a shocking inferiority complex created by the world's perception of what makes the perfect female. We're supposed to look like Giselle Bundchen, dress like Kim Kardasian, hook a man the equivalent of Prince William, have a body post-childbirth like Victoria Beckham, and balance life, money, family, jobs, entertainment, church, etc. like a Flying Walenda.

    When we don't live up to these impossible standards, we want to elevate ourselves in any way possible. We compare ourselves to others who seem to have conquered one or all of these feats, and we feel compelled to take pot shots, if only to make ourselves feel better. By lowering them, our low doesn't seem so bad.

    Hmm...that was a bit of a rant. I think one of the reasons I love reading Wendy Paine Miller's blog is her love for women and the positive things we can accomplish together if we get over ourselves and lift each other up. :)

    Girl Power is awesome when used for good. :)

  6. My daughter had a horrible time with this in 6th grade. I thought I might die...or kill a kid. (Joking)

    Insecurities run deep, even when fathers and mothers lavish attention and encourage their daughters. More so when they don't.

    I think it's a mixture of things besides insecurities. I think it's magazines, music, commercials, Hollywood telling girls what they should or should not be.

    It's an unseen enemy using these tactics. And it's built inside of us to have a desired to be loved, accepted and wanted. By God. So that mixed with enemy's counter attacks.

    It's a mean girl kind of world. And that's my two cents. :)

  7. Deeply moved by Erica's comment! Moved to tears actually b/c she sees something in me I've had to fight to come out. I'm a wreck inside and that anything redeeming would show up blows me away.

    Thanks for this post. I've dealt with this on so many levels and I can only pray I exude kindness & love.
    ~ Wendy


I'd love to hear your thoughts too!